Waxing and waning,.but mostly just waxing

I´m so sorry to have kept you all in suspence for so long. I swear i never meant for this to happen. Forgive me?
Well, the rumours are true. Wait. Depending on which rumours you have heard. Yes. I have been in Morocco for the past 2 weeks or so staying with the greatest host ever. Okay. He´s definitely in the top 2. And hosts and hostess´are in seperate categories by the way. But an amazing host just the same. He speaks arabic fluently enough to explain a particularly complex south park episode to someone who has never seen it, he arranges arabic lessons so that we too might one day be able to explain south park episodes, he leads us swiftly through the labrynth of the medina and intruduces us to generous families who assualt us with food and hospitality. I might be the only person to return from Africa a little heavier than when i left home.
It has been quite an adventure. I drank tea with nomads, successfuly haggled, got my first pedicure and wax, discovered a piece of someone elses fingernail in a mouth full of yogurt and many other magical things that cannot be shared for fear of making them less magical and stuff.
right now I´m in the middle of a two day layover in my former stomping grounds of Barcelona. By stomping grounds I mean place I stayed for about a month 3 years ago because I was somewhat drunk and therefor could not come up with a clear exit strategy. I hope to be wiser this time. I hope to be able to defend myself from the cruel and merciless euro and stay away from the powerful vortex of falafels and debauchery.
Tomorrow I´m off to Croatia and possibly Bosnia depending on if i feel like being on a bus for 5 hours and navigating a new city.
I will try to keep my mountain of adoring fans updated. I want you all to know that i deeply appreciate your loyal fanship.

Dried Fruit: i guess it's actually o.k

I have been a loyal hater of dried fruit for as long as I can remember. I always thuoght, 'Why destroy something perfectly lovely just to haul it around in a gross back pack?' A few weeks ago I was introduced to the shriveled apricot and it wasn't completely disgusting! At that moment everything came into focus. Everything I had thought before was wrong. It was really a new day for me. When I started thinking of the things one could do with a dried apricot it was like the universe was opening up revealing the infinity inside. I imagine it was similar to what that guy was feeling when he invented the wheel.
Although I have come around to the apricot and I almost like dates, raisins are still really fucking stupid and no one will ever change that.

vandalism is bad.except for when it's funny. this time it wasn't

Last night while we were enjoying television and wine, a nice young man came to our door. "Do either of you own a green car out back?" It's Michaels. "I hate to be the one to tell you this but your passenger window is completely shattered." Sure enough the window had turned into glass gravel which now covered the seat and the surrounding ground. Nothing was stolen. We stayed up a while wondering why. For those of you who are not familiar with this vehical it's a green '98 chevy cavelier with an enormous dent. It doesn't exactly scream 'now this guy's got it made.' More accurately it softly whispers 'I work two days a week and I'm a full time student. ' This brings me to my next question. What kind of asshole would do something like this? The only way in which vandalism is justified is if it's funny. Feel free to express your discontent with words like poo, pancake or even assface spray painted on the side of some public thing. Or perhaps set up subtly falic displays throughout your work environment. Chalk is also a wonderful tool for any vandals toolbox. And one of my personal favorites is any sign with moveable letters. With that your options are limitless. Good vandalism is all about brains not braun. I'm sorry about your misplaced rage and all, but can't you just ignore it or something? Why do you have to be a big stupid assface by creating unnecisary expences for someone who can't afford it? I want you to think about what you've done. And for the love of God and all that is holy get some fucking chalk!

Morpathetic

Due to recent quit-firings, the exact circumstances of which are extreamely unimportant, I now work for a company that does taxes and maybe some other stuff too. They love florescent lights, lime green, posters that just skim the surface of being informative, pictures of keys and lightbulbs, not wearing jeans, instant money refund loans, not talking about sex, religion or politics, computers and the appointment manager computer program. I love paychecks and the last thing created by the post-it company. They're post-its, but tiny and narrow, specially designed for marking pages and NOT posting notes. I also love the smell of scotch tape and overall I guess you could say I have a passion for office supplies. And that's just the tip of the iceberg, I haven't even touched the fax machine yet. Oh the anticipation.
I'm so bored. I'm so bored that i had to invent a new word for boredom to accurately convey my current mental state: Morpathetic. it's the love child of morose and apathetic. It's perfect. On the other hand this job gives me the time and space to grow increasingly enraged at the current state of our world and the tiny affect that I have on it. Which seamlessly brings me to my next point: Dennis Kucinich. I like him and I would like to encourage my millions of readers to give him your support. Although, let's be honest here, that's probably just as good as not voting so maybe you should just go ahead and vote for the best looking candidate. I'm gonna go ahead and curl up with a bottle of gin in a puddle of my own salty tears. Bye bye for now.

personal note: Grandpa, i'm so happy to hear that your surgery went well. take great care of yourself. i love you!

Business Casual Part ll: When Charm Attacketh!

Guess what? No really, guess. ..... .... Okay fine! I got a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right. This little lady has charmed the pants off of three individuals in charge of a brand new deluxe vegan restaurant. It's going to be a challenge for me to get past my deeply rooted mistrust of the vegan as a species, but for money i can do it! ' But how did she do it?' well, I'll tell you. she... i mean, I put on my finest business casual, which means black pants, uncomfortable shoes and something that doesn't reveal a bra strap. I walked in and revealed nothing but charm and pure, untouchable fabulousnous! I would like to take this moment to publicly thank Alia Dumonde (that's right, of The Alia Trip) who once said "The only interview you dress down for is when you're applying for food stamps or welfare." Well said you beautiful genius.

Comeback Tour

Hello friends! I've returned from a long absence once again as I love to do. I'm like Cher that way. You know, always having a comeback/farewell tour to increase fans love for me and my ravishing outfits. And by ravishing outfits I mean gripping words. I bet you are all dying to know what I've been up to.
I was back on my native island paradise for the summer working, but not that much. And now I'm back in my semi-urban not-paradise being unemployed. It's so sweet! I am absolutely loving going around to business' and begging them to evaluate me based on a piece of paper and the magnitude of my smile only to have them say 'no thanks' and heave my broke, rejected ass back to hopelessness. Can you hear the loud splash of my tears hitting the keyboard as I write this? I can. Fuck employment! Oh..... fuck poverty as well. I'm confused....
On a lighter note I've decided to dive deep into the cut throat world of academia. That's right, belly dancing. A great middle eastern art that centers itself around swishy fabrics, big jewelry and jingling things. Okay...bye

thankyou for your patience

Let me begin by apologizing for depriving my cyber-fans of my glorious wit and brilliance for the past month. I was busy shining my light on the 'real world.' During all of my glowing, i have made the decision to spend my summer on the watery island from whence i came. Here I will be working, hopefully as a juice merchant, and house sitting at a glorious house with some garden watering and cat feeding. In this time, i also plan to return to my roots as Actor Extraordinaire a.k.a Sweet Dude. I will be filling you in as soon as an interesting event unfolds. Until then I suggest you read the alia trip.