The Nervous Chuckles That Never Come

     I haven't really bothered to ponder social niceties until just now. Last year I was walking to work and someone I knew stopped and offered me a ride. 

     "Do you want a ride or do you want to work off some of that extra chub?" He shouted out the window of his truck. I paused, mostly from shock and to allow him a moment to chuckle as if he had  just made a joke that I didn't get. 

     "I'd love a ride. Thanks." I said. Even in the car, nothing. No 'I was just kidding about that, you look great.' Nothing. I imagined that he realized what he had said when he went home and felt really bad. Because quite frankly, I know the feeling.

     So last night I was at a bar with a couple of friends and a guy I didn't know. There was a lull in the conversation and I began fiddling with the sugar packets, trying to make them fit in the container perfectly. 

     "They're too fat." My friend said, noticing my new found obsession. 

     "Kind of like your thighs." Said the other guy. There was silence.

     "Were you talking to him or me?" I asked. 

     "You." He says. Again, I wait for the nervous chuckle, but it never came. I tried to think quickly of some bullshit eating disorder story to see if maybe he might regret it a little, but I was just too shocked. 

     The thing that confuses me is that I'm not chunky enough to be considered a fatty, but I'm not skinny enough to where it might be used as obvious sarcasm. I'm really confused. Do some people not know that it's rude to insinuate that someone is fat in this country? Later my friend suggested that this person was just a little off and didn't pick up on social cues. But this is two people in the span of a year, both times on my dinky Island home. Is it the Island that does this to people? And why me? There is a plethora of other things to be picked at. Why fat? All I know is that confusion comes in all shapes and sizes. But seriously, What the hell was that about?