'business casual' doesn't get you shit

It's pouring down rain today, because God likes it when I am inconvenienced. My walk to work was less than pleasent. So for that i will contribute to global warming. Take that! Oh who am I kidding? I don't drive. I can't globally warm anything. Except for hearts of course. Speaking of warming hearts, I had a job interview yeaterday! It was for a swanky coffee place. I got all dressed in my finest "business casual" (tasteful sweater and some very minimalistic jewelery). I devoured that interview like a carcas! Unfortunately I have no barista experience (unless of course you count the meticulous wisdom from my mother. you know, adjusting the grind according to the barometric pressure.) but she was looking for someone who could do'latte art' a.k.a 'the fun part.' She only had a week to train someone in the art of the latte and thats just not enough time for someone with no experience. So I told her to suck my fat one and walked out. But it's fine because I have today and tomorrow of work at the gallery so I'm totally covered. I'm sad. I can feel the poverty sinking in. Looks like I'm just gonna have to get out there and shake my money maker. Thats right. Stripping.

happy v.d day!

My loyal readers and adoring fans, I have something to share with you on this day of v.ds.I mean valentines. Aside from christmas and, lets be honest here, probably your birthday, this is the lonliest day of the year. The day that we are all instructed to slip into something uncomfortable and spend our hard earned poverty on those willing to sleep with us. Lets look on the bright side, if you are not participating in the physical act of love you are most likely avoiding AIDS and other things that cause you to itch and burn. So curl up with a movie and a big ol' jug o' wine and thank your lucky stars that you are alone.

we are the health department

There's a little mom and pop operation here in town, (or rather sad man and quiet woman operation). The outside is painted green and white and has clowns and balloons and novelty sized candy displayed elegantly in the windows. The inside is very quiet except for the hum of some peppy 1950s pop music. It's like you walked into your sixth birthday party in 195o-something and nobody bothered to show up.
For the past few thursdays my dearest friend Alia (you may know her as the creator of 'The Alia Trip' and the reader/comment writer of my blog) and myself have made it a habit to begin our 'grand days out' at this very establishment. Last week we decided to do an experament where we placed a smeer of katchup under the napkin dispenser to see if it would still be there the following week. This would give us an idea of the sanitary nature of what we had been consuming. My dear, sweet, loyal readers i'm afraid i have some bad news; the katchup had not been removed. But don't worry, our constitutions are sturdy and we have not gotten sick. Either way, your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated. It looks like we'll have to dine elsewhere from now on. i'm sad to leave what we refer to as 'the creepy clown place.' we had some good times there.
In other news, I joined a canadian rap duo called the fellowship of the bling. Although i'm not actually Canadian, i sure know how to rap like one. See you at the grammys bi-otch!

the smell of hope

this morning i encountered a full grown man carefully and skillfully walking backwards. i must say, it turned my frown upside-down. thank you good sir! alas, my frown has righted itself once again. i am still waiting to get on the employment train headed for greener employment pastures, where you get paid above minimum wage for plowing these green pastures. i'm holding out now for an art supply store. i handed my resume to a waif-like, red headed young man with the sweetness of a grandmother. he likes his job. he is sorrouned by the tempting smell of paints, adhiesives and freshly sharpened penciles. All coming together to create the aroma of success and creative genius. speaking of smells, i've discovered that little ol' eugene is beginning to sweat some more urban fumes, such as pee and sometimes barf! this thrills me as this town was said to once sport anarchists and other types that make people nervous. before moving here, i was fantasizing about telling tales of 'the bad part of town' that i braved one night and fought off a mugger. i was greatly disappointed to find that there really isn't one. but every time i pass through a cloud of stench a new hope washes over me. and it is my wish for all of my faithful readers that today, you pass through your very own hope filled stench cloud. thankyou for your time.