My Summer Vacation

Did you miss me friends? I missed you too. Over the last 3 months I've spent my time forcing tourists into diabetic comas, therefore I hadn't the time to cater to the literary needs of my fans. I'm sorry, but some of us actually work for a living. During my work I learned a few things: The most annoying customers are either women, asians or senior citizens. It's a terrible thing to say, I know. And it's wrong to lump people into categories and judge them, but they should have thought of that before they decided to be jerks to me. Before they came in 15 minutes before closing saying "you don't have anything left." To which I should have replied "Well, you must be a glass half empty person." Or "Do you have anything without calories?" Or "Could you cut this in half because I'm not going to teach my children to share." And then they don't leave a tip. My favorite customers are young men. They love everything that's edible and show wonderful enthusiasm and always put whole dollars in the tip jar. It's nice.

So some stuff happened and then I got a dog. She's a retired service dog I got from a shelter. She has had 3 litters of puppies and can't be spayed because she'll die. But that's okay. She's so special. She sometimes howls for no reason and she loves to play soccer. When you talk to her she looks you in the eye and tilts her head from side to side. I'm pretty sure that means she understands so I talk to her a lot. Last night I asked her if she wanted to sleep in the bedroom with me or the living room and she got up and went to the bedroom. She's so smart. I love her very much.

Well, that's about all. Really, nothing else happened. But I'll let you know if something does.